7 Steps to Self-Empathy
In my book “Forgiving You”, a critical component to grasp in self-forgiveness is being able to empathize with yourself. It’s an important lesson because it serves as the foundation for understanding and empathizing with others.
When you engage in self-empathy, you’re better equipped to recognize and accept your own emotions and avoid conflicts or misunderstandings because you understand your own motivations and reactions. You’re also better equipped to make amends.
Having self-empathy helps you to treat yourself kindly, especially when you’re dealing with disappointments, mistakes, or failures, because you’re able to process them in a healthy way.
Self-empathy also helps to boost your confidence by revealing and helping you to accept your limitations and strengths, and even understand yourself more, which boosts your confidence and makes you a more compassionate human being.
Here are seven steps you can take to kickstart your journey with self-empathy.
Self-empathy allows you to learn from your experiences without being hard on yourself.
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Start by recognizing the feelings you have about whatever happened.
Begin with self-reflection to fully understand your actions and their consequences. Ask yourself, “What exactly did I do, and why was it wrong?”
When you ask, “What emotions am I experiencing?” understand that acknowledging your emotions about this moment helps you to get it all out so you can examine everything that you’re feeling.
Ask yourself, “How did my feelings about my situation influence what I said, thought, or did?”
Processing your feelings by asking this question helps you understand the totality of your feelings. Because what you think impacts how you feel, and how you feel determines what you do. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes to grasp the full extent of the impact. Consider, “How has this affected the other person emotionally and practically?”
Own up to it all if you know that your actions contributed to the situation at hand.
Ask, “What was my role in this?” Acknowledge what you did wrong with clarity. State, “I did ______, and I recognize that it was wrong because ________.”
Be entirely upfront about it. Draw on the lessons you learned in the chapter key, “Embrace Your Imperfections,” to help you be honest with yourself in this process.As you grow and learn from this experience, identify the lessons learned. Think: “What can I take away from this experience so I can grow?” It may help to create an Impact Statement to communicate (even if it’s just to yourself) the impact of your actions. Say, “I understand that my actions caused ________, and I am truly sorry for that.”
Give yourself permission to move on. Affirm yourself and say, “I am human, I make mistakes, and I forgive myself.” There’s just one catch… You have to believe it too.
The sincerity of your intention to correct a wrong is huge. And when your intent is about sincerely desiring to restore balance and harmony - you know your heart is in the right place. Take full responsibility without excuses and say: “I take full responsibility for my actions and the hurt they caused.” Offer to make amends in a meaningful way to the other person. Ask, “What can I do to make this right?”
Could you make a clear commitment to avoid repeating the behavior that caused this divide?
Using caution, insight, and empathy, you can begin to take steps to rectify the situation by asking, “How can I make things right?” And understand that it starts with you. How can you begin to make things right within yourself?
Self-empathy is a powerful tool for nurturing your mental and emotional health and well-being, leading to a more fulfilling and compassionate life.
