How to Move Forward (Part 1)

This post is an excerpt from Forgiving You: 23 Keys to Unlock Your Freedom and Heal Your Soul.

Sometimes the consequences of our choices hit differently than we ever imagined. What started as one decision — something that felt right in the moment, or maybe clearly wrong, but still yours to make — can unravel into something so public, so severe, so much bigger than what seemed to fit the situation. The backlash lands. The relationships fracture. People who once stood beside you now stand against you, and suddenly you’re trying to find your footing in rubble you didn’t fully see coming.

I want to talk honestly about that place. Because it’s real, and a lot of people are in it.

Here’s something worth understanding right now: there will always be people who take issue with you — especially if you’ve done something that disrupted the balance of power, or made a choice they couldn’t control. Some will pile on out of moral superiority. Others will use your moment to channel their own envy, rage, or unresolved grievances — and you just happen to be the available target. You may not have even wronged them personally.

Whatever your situation, here’s how to begin to find your footing.

Feel It

Before you strategize or rebuild or explain yourself — feel it. The shock, the grief, the anger, the shame. Whatever’s there, let it be there. Don’t rush past it. Don’t numb it out. Don’t perform being okay when you’re not.

You’re allowed to grieve the relationships that changed or ended. The version of your life that no longer exists. The trust that’s been broken. Those losses are real, and they need to be acknowledged before you can move through them. This can’t be rushed.

Own It

This is the hard one. Take full responsibility for what you did, said, or decided — even if the fallout feels disproportionate. Even if what you did felt right to you. Even if the pile-on is being fueled by people with their own agendas.

Owning it doesn’t mean agreeing with every accusation. It means being clear-eyed about your role in what happened and refusing to hide from it. When you own it — truly, without hedging — something shifts. People reveal themselves. You start to see who’s actually there for you and who was only there while things were comfortable. Count that revelation as a painful blessing.

Trust Yourself

After a fallout like this, trusting yourself again might feel impossible. I know. But rebuilding that trust is essential, and you can’t skip it.

When the damage is severe, it shakes your sense of reality — your judgment, your intentions, your ability to read a situation. That’s a normal response to an abnormal amount of pressure. It doesn’t mean your instincts are broken.

The path back to self-trust starts with understanding your own history clearly, embracing your humanity fully, and treating yourself with care. Don’t let fear of making another mistake keep you frozen in place. You are more than this moment. Remember the fullness of who you are — your gifts, your capacity, your heart — and choose to trust yourself, even now.

Know Your Why

Why did you do what you did? Not to justify it — just to actually understand it.

Sometimes you’ll examine your reasons and realize they were genuinely misguided. That’s useful information. Take it. Let it guide you toward different choices.

Sometimes you’ll look at your reasons and realize you’d make the same choice again — because the values behind it were solid, even if the fallout was painful. Both outcomes are valid. What matters is that you know why, not just what.

As you grow, some relationships will naturally fall away. Not every connection you lose was one you could afford to keep. Some were built on shared history rather than genuine affinity. Know the difference.

Apologize — When and Only When It’s Real

If you owe someone an apology, give them a real one. Not a PR statement. Not something that centers your own feelings about how sorry you are. A genuine, direct acknowledgment of what you did and what it cost them.

But here’s the other side: don’t apologize for things you’re not actually sorry for. Don’t take blame you don’t own just to make someone comfortable or end the conflict faster. That kind of hollow apology helps no one.

Understand that being forgiven takes time — sometimes much longer than feels fair. Keep doing the right thing and release the need to control someone else’s timeline.

And for the people who came for you, amplified the damage, and never gave you a real chance — you’ll need to forgive them too. Not because what they did was okay. Not because you’re inviting them back in. But because carrying that resentment costs you energy you need for your own healing. Let it go — not for them, but for yourself.