How to Move Forward (Part 2)
This post is an excerpt from the book “Forgiving You: 23 Keys to Unlock Your Freedom and Heal Your Soul”
When things take a tragic turn in your life due to the consequences of your actions, it can be hard to find solid ground. In Part 1 of “You Can Move Forward,” we explored five ways to begin rebuilding your life and moving from surviving to thriving.
Here are five more steps to incorporate into your life and activate a more vibrant future.
Build Up Your New Support Network
Assess the relationships left in your life, and look at the connections contributing to negativity and strife or hindering your emotional progress. This is a chance for you to surround yourself with a supporting and trusted network of friends and chosen family members, those who like and love you – and not just tolerate you. It doesn't have to be a large number. It's likely better to keep it small – quality over quantity. The value of a healthy community, especially during this time, cannot be overstated, so lean into those relationships.
Share your feelings with those who really know you and can provide understanding, insight, empathy, peace, and encouragement in the safe space of their love, compassion, and acceptance.
Be courageous enough to surround yourself with real friends who understand the importance of mutually accountable relationships and are willing to tell you the truth about yourself in love. If that's difficult to find in your network of friends, get the guidance of a therapist or counselor. The right professional can help you explore and process your feelings, gain insights, and develop coping strategies. This is especially helpful when your community of friends and family is toxic, leaving you with little or no options for building the relationships you need.
Here's an often unspoken truth. If you find that the social circle you were part of is now turning against you, chances are it didn't start with you. You likely stood by silently or participated in the verbal bashing or modern-day stoning they did to someone else that you are now receiving. What makes you think that you would be treated any differently? That's a real question, not a condemnation because it's something to really think about. And how okay were you with how they treated others, as long as they didn't do it to you? It's a tough reality, I know, but this experience gives you a different vantage point so you can be mindful of your choices when determining the kind of community you want to be part of.
This unchartered territory is also a call to action for you, an opportunity to form new and healthy connections outside of old, unhealthy spaces. Dare to contribute what is good, right, and just in this world by remembering that this is not a one-way deal. As you evolve and get healthy, you are better equipped to bring your mental, emotional, and spiritual health, wealth, wholeness, and wisdom to all of your connections.
Set Boundaries
To protect your emotional well-being, set healthy boundaries that respect and honor who you are. This may involve limiting interactions and even conversations with those who have contributed to or continue to amplify your feelings of sadness, anger, rejection, and hatred. Instead, focus on positive, uplifting, supportive people that understand your journey.
It's also equally important to draw boundaries around your mental space to protect yourself from negative messaging that replays in your mind and any self-defeating thoughts you may conjure up all on your own. The messages you tell yourself can do far more damage than others.
Cultivate Resilience
Life comes for us all. Regardless of your station in this world, you will not be excluded from certain hardships, trials, tragedies, and devastations. Cultivate resilience by confronting your fears, embracing vulnerability, and adopting powerful strategies for overcoming obstacles.
Acknowledge that even though setbacks are part of the human experience, they can be fashioned into opportunities to help you grow. You can overcome all the challenges you face and emerge even stronger than ever.
As you bump into what people think of you, say about you, or do against you while you're regrouping, remember to prioritize your mental and physical health during this time. It's fundamental to your healing. Cultivate self-care and make it part of your lifestyle to fortify and support your resilience.
Grow as You Go
Shift your focus toward personal growth and self-improvement. There's always room to grow. Look for areas where you can develop new skills and positive habits and align your actions with what you value. When you feel or sense the energy of regret and rejection, convert it into positive change. Empower yourself by knowing that this experience can also motivate you to cultivate positive habits, make healthier choices, and contribute positively by pouring into your own life.
Activate a New Vision
Think about the person you want to become and the life you desire. Use this vision as motivation to make choices that honor you and those you care for by shaping a future in harmony with what you've visualized. Counterbalance the weight of regret by immersing yourself in joyful energy from people, places, and experiences that inspire and invigorate you.
This new life will cost you your old life. But when you think about it, you may have already lost the relationships that would have made the transition tougher or ones that shouldn't have been there or needed to have fallen off anyway. This is your time.
Healing is a nonlinear process. Your journey is your own, and by approaching it with patience, self-compassion, and a commitment to personal growth, you can gradually build a more meaningful and fulfilling life. So, acknowledge and celebrate your victories along the way – no matter how small – and always applaud your progress.
Each step forward is a powerful testament to your resilience.
